Disillusioned
My parents are much further from Christ than I thought they would be.
All my life I believed that because one simply "believed" in Christ, that they were Christians.
I was mistaken. I was wrong.
I write this blog post in righteous anger. An anger not for words put against me, but for a triggering phrase said by my own father who claims to have God's grace when he truly is - lost.
Where humans fail us, God always prevails.
The situation arose when he accidentally Whatsapp called me this evening.
I picked up and the discussion turned to how my parents consider me too 'work-abiding' and said I sounded more worried than necessary about certain documents I needed to send over to my new workplace in Malaysia.
Every phone call I make with my dad frustrates me. I am not exaggerating. While we may have peaceful conversations when in person, it is almost impossible to have any when separated by an ocean. This is partially due to my dad's incapacity to STOP TALKING. He rants incessantly on a single point for 3-5 minutes, usually about something related to correcting my behaviour, when in actuality, he could easily sum his aggravating point in a simple 2-3 lined sentence. The recipient, myself, would not have to go through the the time wasted listening to the rant on the phone. On the other hand, I like people getting straight to the point, dawdling, and having the emotional awareness to understand that people do not appreciate being corrected in EVERY single phone conversation.
Tonight, my phone helped me by cutting off the conversation by dying right on cue.
It died when after I survived 2 minutes of ranting about how I should not say, "I do not care," about things and how I should not get so defensive everytime he speaks. He continued by stating that we should end the conversation since he knew I would be mad because of his words. As a sinner and a normal person, I would wonder who would not get mad at a person ranting at you for a prolonged duration. But what really ticked me off, triggering both my anger and grief was how he said, "No matter how much you say of YOUR God, I know you."
He said, "Your God."
This whole time, I never knew that HIS God was not MY God.
Typing this out now, I have a shiver across my spine.
Who has my dad believed in this whole time?
Thinking of it in this moment, I think he has always only believed in himself. Having come from an impoverished background, he has always done everything only in his own power.
He mocks my aunt who has drawn me to Christ because to him, she has always seemed 'lesser'. I don't need for him or her to say it for me to know this. My dad has always treated my mum's side of the family with incredible disrespect. In my heart, I knew it was wrong. But what shocks me even more is how my mum has managed to tolerate it all these years. Such darkness in the heart is unhealthy. And now, I truly need to pray for my parents, especially my dad's redemption.
I am new to Christ. I understand. I know. I admit to it.
I am neither patient. Nor am I generous. Nor am I kind. I am a sinner.
A sinner who seeks a new beginning through Christ, my God, my Saviour.
I need to learn His ways, and I am only at the start of my journey.
But for now, I am now in a state of shock as to how far my family has fallen - away from Christ. Away from God. Please pray for our lives to be filled with God's grace and that of the Holy Spirit.
All my life I believed that because one simply "believed" in Christ, that they were Christians.
I was mistaken. I was wrong.
I write this blog post in righteous anger. An anger not for words put against me, but for a triggering phrase said by my own father who claims to have God's grace when he truly is - lost.
Where humans fail us, God always prevails.
The situation arose when he accidentally Whatsapp called me this evening.
I picked up and the discussion turned to how my parents consider me too 'work-abiding' and said I sounded more worried than necessary about certain documents I needed to send over to my new workplace in Malaysia.
Every phone call I make with my dad frustrates me. I am not exaggerating. While we may have peaceful conversations when in person, it is almost impossible to have any when separated by an ocean. This is partially due to my dad's incapacity to STOP TALKING. He rants incessantly on a single point for 3-5 minutes, usually about something related to correcting my behaviour, when in actuality, he could easily sum his aggravating point in a simple 2-3 lined sentence. The recipient, myself, would not have to go through the the time wasted listening to the rant on the phone. On the other hand, I like people getting straight to the point, dawdling, and having the emotional awareness to understand that people do not appreciate being corrected in EVERY single phone conversation.
Tonight, my phone helped me by cutting off the conversation by dying right on cue.
It died when after I survived 2 minutes of ranting about how I should not say, "I do not care," about things and how I should not get so defensive everytime he speaks. He continued by stating that we should end the conversation since he knew I would be mad because of his words. As a sinner and a normal person, I would wonder who would not get mad at a person ranting at you for a prolonged duration. But what really ticked me off, triggering both my anger and grief was how he said, "No matter how much you say of YOUR God, I know you."
He said, "Your God."
This whole time, I never knew that HIS God was not MY God.
Typing this out now, I have a shiver across my spine.
Who has my dad believed in this whole time?
Thinking of it in this moment, I think he has always only believed in himself. Having come from an impoverished background, he has always done everything only in his own power.
He mocks my aunt who has drawn me to Christ because to him, she has always seemed 'lesser'. I don't need for him or her to say it for me to know this. My dad has always treated my mum's side of the family with incredible disrespect. In my heart, I knew it was wrong. But what shocks me even more is how my mum has managed to tolerate it all these years. Such darkness in the heart is unhealthy. And now, I truly need to pray for my parents, especially my dad's redemption.
I am new to Christ. I understand. I know. I admit to it.
I am neither patient. Nor am I generous. Nor am I kind. I am a sinner.
A sinner who seeks a new beginning through Christ, my God, my Saviour.
I need to learn His ways, and I am only at the start of my journey.
But for now, I am now in a state of shock as to how far my family has fallen - away from Christ. Away from God. Please pray for our lives to be filled with God's grace and that of the Holy Spirit.
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