Musings of a temperamental being

I give up on being someone people like.
It is not my mistake if impressions are mixed up and if concerns are all over the place.
It neither is my problem if people put no effort in understanding me or my mindset.

I had a pretty wise friend who asked me, "Why do you do something that exhausts you and something you no longer find exciting or challenging?"
What I responded was an irksome sense of responsibility. A responsibility that I cannot ignore and to my chagrin is something I propound in tears to do.

The people who I trust in are people who I trust in completely and serve/share/learn together with utmost loyalty. You will never be forgotten once you fall within my realm of trust, friendship and wholesome company. But if you become a bad apple in my tree, it is unlikely I will see your seed take fruit for you will remain stain forevermore.

I had dreamt when I was younger, that I would do my best to serve the people. Heck, it's why I wanted to be a doctor in the first place. However, there had always been an Ashley and Max, the true leaders that I was fine being a sub-leader to. A person who exuded the calm I had always envisioned to follow, in stark contrast to my natural state of air-headed and hot-temperedness. This leader and person, I found in my 2nd year of University. To inherit such a tenure was one that filled me with utmost dread, and something I accepted with reluctance. This reluctance can explain my lack of thrill in having not written about my blogpost and bask *sarcastically* in glory and success.

I still do not know if what I am doing is correct; but I suppose it is impossible to know whether one truly is doing the right thing. All we have to do is go forth with confidence and do the best we can while we can.

There may be people who speak over us, who talk back behind our backs; but not everyone is meant to meld with one another or mix particularly well. I wanted to MUMSU to emphasize culture; but in my tenure, it appears that culture is what is strongly lacking. The fresh minds who truly want to make a change, make good, are being suppressed by the commercial-minded emphasis. Heck. Its like watching how modern-day society has swallowed up the finesse etiquette that underlies the very foundations of culture. Yet despite my role, there is little I can do. I have no partner in knowledge or experience who can back me up sufficiently. But do I really need another person? Perhaps so.

To those who understand my words, I salute you. To those who do not, I weep in your stead.

'Alone' by Edgar Allan Poe