Just Mad
What in the world do we live for?
I'm in a terrible mood right now so it's taking all I can to prevent myself from vulgar swearing at the world. Life can drive anyone mad. And now, I, as a Senior School student at Presbyterian Ladies' College going through my last year of High School, I AM MAD. Mad, as in PISSED. Not anything else. I have yet to be driven into insanity -- or atleast that is what I think.
I guess this might be the side effects of pressure of concern from both Boarding staff and parents. Why in ksdfnksd do the stupid staff have to tell my parents? They can't do any bloody thing either. You tell them and that makes me even more angry. Why tell them I apparently don't sleep well. I handle myself and they can do nothing about it.
You see, there are a few nasty things about my personality.
First and most evidently, when I get angry at something. I remain angry for a very, very long time. :)
Heh. Look at me. Trying to reduce its effects by adding a smiley face. How completely ridiculous.
Second, I dislike people. Honestly, as I've said before, first personalities are like driving a nail. Once it's with you, it's stuck that way, unless someone bothers or has the time to gradually pry the nail out and drive it another way. I don't like light talk. Actually, it's probably that I don't like it but more like, I can't do it.
I honestly cannot the fathom to why we live.
I feel like I'm returning to my Beirut days, where it's no longer levels of depression suppressing me but anger. I've been calm these past 2 years of my life but since it's the last year and my responsibilities are laden, I cannot tolerate it. I feel like a bursting magma-filled volcano. I swear, whoever created or established education systems deserves to be shot or hit by an arrow. Competitiveness will never be assuaged at this rate and I don't feel like riding the boat through to the end of Earth's cyclic life.
Why in the world do we live?
Why do we grow? Learn? Go to school? Then University? Followed by Work?
Is there some sort of substantial meaning in it all?
What good does work or having a job do for you?
It's neither relieving or fun I think. Maybe I should actually tried working a paid job for once. Then my mind would turn.
This leads to another of my problems, Initiative.
When do we take it... sigh.
Oh, God, help me and forgive me for not intending to go to Church tomorrow.
I feel even worst now realizing I have no idea where my Bible is anymore... o_o Yes, I guess I'm a completely sinner now. Thinking about God makes me happier, settled and safer. I'm thankful He exists and is around. Oh, wow. I'm calmer now too. Thank goodness.
I'm in a terrible mood right now so it's taking all I can to prevent myself from vulgar swearing at the world. Life can drive anyone mad. And now, I, as a Senior School student at Presbyterian Ladies' College going through my last year of High School, I AM MAD. Mad, as in PISSED. Not anything else. I have yet to be driven into insanity -- or atleast that is what I think.
I guess this might be the side effects of pressure of concern from both Boarding staff and parents. Why in ksdfnksd do the stupid staff have to tell my parents? They can't do any bloody thing either. You tell them and that makes me even more angry. Why tell them I apparently don't sleep well. I handle myself and they can do nothing about it.
You see, there are a few nasty things about my personality.
First and most evidently, when I get angry at something. I remain angry for a very, very long time. :)
Heh. Look at me. Trying to reduce its effects by adding a smiley face. How completely ridiculous.
Second, I dislike people. Honestly, as I've said before, first personalities are like driving a nail. Once it's with you, it's stuck that way, unless someone bothers or has the time to gradually pry the nail out and drive it another way. I don't like light talk. Actually, it's probably that I don't like it but more like, I can't do it.
I honestly cannot the fathom to why we live.
I feel like I'm returning to my Beirut days, where it's no longer levels of depression suppressing me but anger. I've been calm these past 2 years of my life but since it's the last year and my responsibilities are laden, I cannot tolerate it. I feel like a bursting magma-filled volcano. I swear, whoever created or established education systems deserves to be shot or hit by an arrow. Competitiveness will never be assuaged at this rate and I don't feel like riding the boat through to the end of Earth's cyclic life.
Why in the world do we live?
Why do we grow? Learn? Go to school? Then University? Followed by Work?
Is there some sort of substantial meaning in it all?
What good does work or having a job do for you?
It's neither relieving or fun I think. Maybe I should actually tried working a paid job for once. Then my mind would turn.
This leads to another of my problems, Initiative.
When do we take it... sigh.
Oh, God, help me and forgive me for not intending to go to Church tomorrow.
I feel even worst now realizing I have no idea where my Bible is anymore... o_o Yes, I guess I'm a completely sinner now. Thinking about God makes me happier, settled and safer. I'm thankful He exists and is around. Oh, wow. I'm calmer now too. Thank goodness.
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